Friday 13 February 2009

Pramod Mutalik and ilk vs N. Susan and ilk vs Republic of India vs Pink Chaddis vs Yellow Journalism vs Everything in Between


Far too many in India belong to two tribes: one following the shree Ram sene's Pramod Mutalik and the other following the Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women's N.Susan. Period.

what's concerning?
Either of two tribes don't represent India or its majority.
What's more concerning?
They think they do.
What even more concerning?
People and the media are making it seem like they do too.

The trouble is that the third tribe, hopefully to which the largest lot belongs to, is too tired of fighting for and against the other two tribes. That and they think its too frivolous an argument to crusade over. The continuous to and fro hustle and tussle of the other two tribes in various formats and ferments have made it even more harder for the third tribe to have its own say as they are moderates and not right/left/centre/whatever winged extremists like the Mutaliks and Susans that seem to have the self-righteous veracity to speak on behalf of entire India on their own. The third tribe being as peaceful as they are, tend to be sidelined by the extremists from both sides of the divide. so who tends to lose most in this fight of Mutalik vs N Susan? The "aam aadmi/aurat" ofcourse. who gets branded as either or by the two sides, failing to realise that all who are not Mutaliks, may not Susans either and vice versa. They can be some where in between.

so about this third tribe?
Where do they go?
for namesake, the girls who wear pink panties (not gift them away to very old men) or just panties or skirts or half pants or three quaters or jeans or full pants or salwars or saris.
And what about guys who want to make India proud, not by beating women but, by protecting them?
where do all of them go and join?
loose and naked vaginas vs woman beaters? are these the only two Indias that we Indians now have to choose between? between saffronites like VHP/RSS/MNS/SRS/Mutalik and disgruntled TEHELKA employees/hungry NEWS CHANNELS/consortiums et al?

Can an Ideal India be ruled by either Mutaliks or Susans? as both the former and the latter are self-obsessed, self-righteous and down right narcissists, who are either too loose or too tight, who dare to forget that there are more dire issues which should be taken into hands by young and old India alike, who dare to forget that between pub-goers and saffronites, there lies an India of the other 99.99 percent. They dare to forget that the common man/woman of India is not interested in religion, is not interested in rhetoric, is not interested in facebook and definitely not interested in pubs, but he/she is interested in things that both Mutalik army and Susan brigade take for granted and are too privileged to have.

for Mutalik, this is where he stands #FOOD>CLOTHES>SHELTER>HEALTH>EDUCATION>MONEY>JOBS>RELIGIOUS SECTS>EXTREMISTS>HINDU>Shri Ram sene>Muthalik
and
as for Susan, this is where she stands #FOOD>CLOTHES>SHELTER>HEALTH>EDUCATION>COMPUTER>TV
>INTERNET>ORKUT>FACEBOOK>PUBS>Consortium of Pubgoing,Loose
and Forward Women>Susan
(DEMOGRAPHIC COMPARATIVE ESTIMATE)

The pink panty girls, who are going to give their pink panties away as charity, amongst them men, most are doing the same with their chastity too. Is this a very difficult and preposterous extrapolation to make?
as for Mutalik, he has already showed his demeanour and measure in such a vexing way that not even Lord Ram himself can salvage Mutalik's Ravana Sena.

The so called Ram Sainiks, on one hand are forgetting that India is a FREE country and the land of Kamasutra. on the other hand, or the other thigh rather, the "LOOSE" women are losing memory over the fact that not every women in India is "LOOSE" yet and the "LOOSE MEN" are forgetting that some men, still, can't be PHYSICALLY loose and hence don't enjoy cross dressing or have a collection of pink panties to give away, especially to very old lungi bearing men like Mutalik whose lungi seems to be turning a lot of the cross dressers on.

Anyway, I am sure for all the progressive and FORWARD Indians, for whom FORWARD doesn't mean LOOSE (unlike the Susanites), who have IQ over 135, can forget the entire episode by taking a good hard look at the names of MUTALIK and SUSAN and then by taking your very own (or even your neighbour's) MUTT for a walk to his favourite place and let him SUSU* while you make the analogy. I insist.



(N.B: # A>B>C, where number of people concerned with A is greater than B and number of people concerned with B are greater than C, so on and so forth.
*SUSU is Indian for urine.
Disclaimer:All organisations and other names are owned by their respective owners.
IMHO: The protest is fine but the term "loose" is where it lost out and am hoping that it was sarcasm)

14 comments:

richa guhathakurta said...

oh my God finally our tribe has a voice :D

this is the single most important thing that i could have read all week.
it has cheered me up in so many ways.
will forward this to all the people i know.

bravo on your effort, i wish people could actually read this.

and this is print worthy in any
national/international paper dude!!!

keep writing man!

Makyubex said...

I dont belong to the third tribe. Well needless to say I dont have the time or recourse to join the first or the second either.

Hmm, I want to demand for a NPA treaty (Non Panty/Party alignment). Oh well, I would rather the tribes fought each other and died out, which they eventually will.

Hmm. nice article.


Later.

Anonymous said...

da middle tribe is nuthng but da puhpl whu r unaffectd but still wanna screw bth da sides involvd...juz lyk da media....nuthng wrng in diz way of protstng!!watz wrng iz indiaz way of lookng at thingz....whch iz uttrly lame!!

Pattabi Seshadri said...

media used to be on the middle but now even they are acting partisan to either one or the other tribe.
all media, if you look enough, are supporting some or the other people.
they are just reporting but they are forming good or bad opinions according to their will and wish.
they are lobbyists who try create opinions for their own cause rather than the cause of the general public.

oh and by the way, amazing write up buddy.

what the extremists at both ends of the tilak and panties forget that they don't represent any significant part or kind of India and that eventual truth will in one way or the other catch up with them someday.

the demographic comparision that you ahve made is nothing short of an eye opener for these people.

for you and the India that can change not just this country but the way the world thinks :)

(remember that obama is still hounded by his detractors but that doesn't necessarily mean that he will stop doing what he does best)

best of luck with your endeavour.

cheerio.

Shreyans Mehta said...

I guess "loose" was used sarcastically there... But whatever, good post... I donno which tribe I belong to!

KAMONASISH AAYUSH MAZUMDAR said...

i hope it was too :)

aRya said...

im :D ..n im impressed.
good work!

Hiba said...

cool aayush....

bisht said...

Bt aayush i think there is nothing called as neutrality ( third tribe) Doing nothing to stop it is, in fact, choosing. It is not being neutral.

KAMONASISH AAYUSH MAZUMDAR said...

well the third tribe is not as forceful as the either and the other two tribes need to respect that part.
even this third tribe will someday rise and rebel but then it would be too late to bridge the divide.

the problem is between idiocy of mutalik and loose women like susan.

i dont think either of them can ever represent India. they are both far from the truth of the common man's ideology.

San said...

AHh ! the views of the Third Tribe ( as christened ) a.k.a us sane people manifests itself through the blatancy of this blog.

Good stuff ! CHeers !

Archana said...

impressive! :)

bisht said...

its nt abt which grp represents India its abt democracy. v bost abt being worlds biggest democracy bt where is d democracy? So wen sumbody is denied of der fundamental rgts i think third tribe shd step up.Cos u never knw wen u would need dat kind of help from others.

Hriday said...

Dude, I thought you had some sense!!

Firstly, I am tired of people stating roti, kapda, makaan as our primary problems. Of course they are our problems. Does it mean that nothing beyond these 3 topics should be discussed?? What happened in Manglaore was an outright breach of human and womens' rights.

I am appalled that you think you belong to this "third tribe" thingy and want to have nothing to do with it. So what is it that you want to say? Just because we have problems like health, education and all, we let incidents like this pass??

Didn't it make your blood churn to see them beating up women like that? "Frivolous argument to fight over...."? You enter a pub, beat up women, tear their clothes, and it is a "frivolous argument"??


Another thing that you say here is "who do we choose between these 2 Indias?" You speak as if someone has pointed a gun at your forehead and asked you to join either of the camps. You are free not to join any.

If you cared to notice, this was the first ever public step taken by common people against these mad, Hindutva buggers. The least we can do is show some solidarity.

Lastly, it is sad that people cannot get it that the word "loose" is obviously sarcastic and is a take on what these Hindutva bastards would consider "tight".

And yeah, one more thing...words like "loose and naked vagina"...absolutely gross, my friend. So uncool.