Thursday 9 October 2008

Humans to flap Wings and flutter Fins within Three decades.


On august 14,2003 most of north America had a power outage. Youth of the countinent didn't even know that the thing that came out of the plug points could stop flowing. After they realised that, most of them went on to enjoy that fact. It affected 67 million people and financial losses were estemeed to be 6.5 billion USD but most of the youth were angry about hot pizzas not being delivered to their door steps in midst of their nox carnival. The reason for the power outage was told to be over use of electricity, what ever that was. In more simple words, a continuous series of circuits fell off one by one, as electricity consumed by people was reaching 100% capacity (only place where demand equals supply doesn't please perfect economists). It was a cascading effect set off by the overdrive of electricity, most of it was used in air cooling as it was the peak of the American summer.

20% of all of the witchy power used in north America is "blowing in the wind", literally (some call it air conditioning). air conditioning is a prequisite in most homes of nations of the world, the people inhabiting which can't tolerate high temperatures, so it would be fair to say more temperature would mean more use of the magical might as air conditioning usage would rise. Air conditioning (ambience modifiers), as we know it, doesnt just come in one form. It also comes in form of room heating, so even if temperatures dropped too much people in most developed countries would use room heaters. So we heat, cool and clean air so that we get fresh and bacteria free air in our homes where we live all our lives and don't need to move out for education, work, food and life. our water heaters, water coolers, cooking gas stoves, microwave ovens, refrigerators, fans, tvs, radios, computers, faxs, telephones run with our lives. So basically we do things and then undo things and both happen when our mommies click their fingers and practice withcraft. Ask them, if you may. Manifestly so, industries require the same sorcerous force, with which our industrialised states are going to bloom and our heyday going to last till eternity to produce that Ikea cow couch we all need to enjoy tv on.

This population day on July 11 2008, the world population was around 6.6 billion (let me write you that in figures, 6,600,000,000) by 2042, it will be 9 billion and we will celebrate 10 billionth human life around 2055. How much better are we at producing babies than our once folliage wearing ancestors? well it took them around 250,000,000 years to reach 1 billion and it took us 200 to reach from 1 to 10, which means we must be great in bed no matter how much the People's magazine complains. We are good! Not just that we are 1250000 times better than our ancestors and thence we have a population day so that we can look back each year and celebrate our endeavour and enterprise to devour the planet.

So, all of us, since we are such kind and gentle peace loving creatures inscrutably abyssal recondital trenchy cryptic deep deep really deep down at the heinie bottom of our heart, will preach the motto of "sharing is caring" and practice it just like we did in the great wars of the 20th and 21st century. Even if we didn't have such bonnie bottom hearts we would still have to, because more people will mean more place to live, more place to work, more place to breathe, more place to grow food on, more place to let the food out, more place to commute, more of everything that makes us, us. But we wont have to worry as our self-sacrificing and peace loving world leaders such as george bush, who have absolutely no dialogue with lobbies of philanthropic organisations such as Exxon mobil, which has the highest net income in the world that of around 40 billion, will get tax cuts from the US government because it needs to ameliorate its pitiful fiscal condition. Its just a serendipitious coincidence that it happens to be a oil corporation and oil corporations are only raking the moolah to give it away to their pitiable and haplessly poor kids who are needful of multi jet air stream conditioning in their stretch lemo's lavatory, which most probably, euphorically guzzles a litre for every 2 miles of travel, when they are taking a private jet cruise to the amazon for a school project on the "cause of fast depleting forests". why? becasuse good air flow in lavatories creates better bowel movements in the upwardly mobile people.

Anyway, all these people that we are growing today will require food to grow so that they can grow more people who can grow more food. Since the size of earth, as we speak, is growing by 69 million sq miles every sixth sunday of the month, only to accomodate our growing demand for food. our scientists have besides found little green farmers on planet mars, we can easily trade our intellect and our collective sense of satire for their food, if we run out of ours. We will also have more food since we are using more and more farm land to produce corn in order to produce ethanol to replace gasoline, because teens like me love the addictive to the smell of petrol and collective discerning governements of the world have taken a step against people like me and they told us they wont let us do that any more and have thus began to ticker and suck less oil from the wells. subsequently the planetery authorities don't require petroleum products for food production since tractors run themselves on carbonised air and our fertilizers are made from human excreta thence we dont really have to vex over anything at all but just wait for that McDelivery to reach our home.

In addition, more people will need less cars as we all love to walk. Well for the people who don't there is always, a very good chance that in the next 7 years we might need to swim and not walk, as swimming is the best form of exercise and the global regimes have decided to fill our streets and, if required, our houses too with sea water, this is especially true if you live relatively near the ocean, seas, rivers etc which is around (70% or more of the population) and if that's not the case, don't worry other places will receive incessant rainfall and you will get to to stay afloat for the better half of the year (mumbai 2005, Bihar, orissa 2008, china 2005 and on, Bangladesh, so many more are proof of exercises that governements are conducting on us) and if you are still unlucky then most of you will either be stuck in snow slides, deserts or plains which will soon turn to deserts as the insatiable rain clouds need to feed themselves and because land heats more quickly than water hence higher temperatures will drain more water from soil than from water itself (revisit theory of sea and land breeze & latent heat of liquids and solids) you will be lucky enough to do that for the ones of us who will be swimming. Amidst this we will learn to drink sea water, not just because we will be swimming in it but also because most of our natural sweet sources of water, like glaciers and lakes will dry up. we will also try to grow fins while our brothers and sisters out in the deserts-to-be try and grow wings so that finally they can help us to fly off to Mars, Jupiter, Saturn or for that matter even their moons-Ganymede and Europa. They will do so yet again because they are gentle and peace loving inscrutably abyssal recondital trenchy cryptic deep deep really deep down at the heinie bottom of their heart. We will also have the opportunity to swim with those big white beautiful vegetarian animals called polar bears, who will have to cross the pacific to get to us, as their chuck of land called the artic would be completely gone and the same will ring true for penguins who will grow larger fins and spring up gills in just another 5 years as their domain of ice now known as the antartic, whose ice is breaking into pieces as we speak, will no longer be there for us to base our scientific camps of climate study on or to claim the natural resources out there. But who needs these scientists and writers anyway, they only say stupid things like, (i am paraphrasing) "You gotta learn swimming or flying, if you dont listen to us" or "The ice sheets act as giant mirrors to reflect heat back from the sun and when they are gone the earth would heat even faster" or "evolution is true" or "gravity works" or "This write up is sarcastic". Oh yeah, that old joke we used to crack about Greenland and how its all White, will no longer be there for our kids to gag about as they swim to their underwater school with the great whites and jelly fishes, may be some squids too, if they are lucky.

One might question why haven't i talked about our shipping fleet and cruise liners where we can base our life on in the future? Well, we could have except our ocean currents would change directions so we would perhaps need more of that magical force which would require some kind of fuel, and cheap fuel that is the party that we have been living on, will be totally all out by 2035 or 2040, and all the natural methane gas that human's produce wont be enough for them to sustain on. Just in case you didn't realise, nuclear fuel too has to be grown on paddy fields, which requires arable land or atleast land and apart from that there is always the merry worthy fact that when there is no wheat available in the market everyone will crib but still manage with rice and hence rice production will have to grow and therefore someday come to a relative peak. Since we know both rice and nuclear fusion-fission material grow on farms so we don't have to think too much about it or for our uranium farmers. As for solar energy, wind energy and different forms of hydel energy they will be developed by our little green men from mars(rememebr them?). They will do it for us as we will still be too busy swimming for oil and fishing for coal. Up until its profitable (as in 40 billion US$ profitable) let mankind along with animal kind and even the tree kind go for a hike to the kuiper belt and feel like home. Nonetheless, it would never happen since we don't have enough wizardly vitality to produce enough wizardly vitality that can sustain us anyway, but we can enjoy till it lasts and rejoice the fact that all those people who loved stormy weather and found it as a turn on will be spanking each other's butts more often now, as there is good news for you people too folks. The number of storms are both increasing in number and strength, setting all time records across the world [(tropical storms=lost count but yeah super cylone anyone?, hurricanes=biggest in modern history in "THE USA-hell yeah" in 2004/05, tornadoes=1717 (2004) highest ever (USA), typhoons=10 (also 2004) also highest ever (japan/china)]. All this harmoniously coupled with 10 hottest years in the history of known human existence being in the last 12 years with catastrophies like the heat wave of 2003 in Europe which killed 35000, the same year when in india had record high temperature in most place should be reason enough to party, but we avid little people need ever more. All of this, if you can see, evidently has no relation at all, if it were so it would mean that rise in temperature of the atmosphere would mean rise in temperature of land and of sea and the entire world, which would vaporize more water and so bring in more rain at places which are already receiving enough rain and drying up soil which is already dried up, also creating more stormy weather and stronger winds, in the process when winds feed off high temperatures of the oceans and ground to bring home more voilent weather due to the higher moisture content, which will obviously not rise because of evaporation which can't be increasing.

Species which we would like to cherish are perishing a thousand times higher than the natural rate of decline but we aren't worrying because new species of viruses, bacteria and pests are coming up to take their rightful place, which will someday help us to rise up from our reeking graves, i.e. for those of us who dont sprout wings or contact the species of the third kind from andromeda to take us with them and become immortal. But to be honest even they wouldn't last too long as all through the planet's history the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere has always been below 300 ppm but now it has suddenly grown to 385 ppm in a matter of 30 years and by less than 50 years the figure will be more 700/800 ppm which means they wont get to breathe and die. Thank Bush atleast we dont have to worry about breathing anymore or even if we do we will have our air conditioners which will by then work under water and be electriproofed. weirdly enough, it also shows us how the air we clean for ourselves is actually making it worse for us to breathe in.

With this bright future in my sight for all of us, i welcome thee aliens with open arms to take me abode because my hands write but don't germinate wings and my legs have no flapping fins. Truth shall make you free, but first it shall make you angry. Here's one - There is nothing that's absolutely free and here's another - Not all debts are paid with money.

Saturday 3 May 2008

Transient Satiation

We love what we can't have because of the same.
We also love something more when someone else has that something and we don't, but the same particular thing becomes mundane when we have it in our grasp.
As amazing as it sounds, one could only know the fact's true value when a person realises this astonishing concept and its far reaching consequences on his/her own.

Just think about it for a moment, don't we always keep wanting and longing for the things we never had? Mostly because we never had them. The same phenomenon can explain so many things like why someone reads a borrowed book, magazine, or even a newspaper with much more vigour than when the same thing belongs to him/her, like why we love the things we steal (when and if we steal) more than the thing we have bought, like why the ice-cream or chocolate or pizza tastes even better when you are eating it from someone else, why people on television look way more desirable than when and if contacted in veridical life, why yearning for someone perfect to fall in love with is more exciting than falling in love with a real person.

The only logical explanation for this would be that since we anticipate a lot from something, we take to be perfect and thus languish for it but and when the realisation that nothing is perfect strikes us and when we actually come in terms with the reality, it becomes very hard for our ego to own upto the fact, thereby adding to the list of complaints and woes. Anticipation, perfection and reality therefore are the unholy trinity in the whole scenario and sometimes when the trinity twines or rather crashes into eachother, the love for the particular thing might take a beating for the worst, breaking the brittle rose tinted glass of expectations involved with it. The same idea can explain why we tend be in love forever with something we have never had or someone we have never known in real life. So the very act of not knowing someone for real and not having the thing you yearn for is the reason behind love for the particular object of desire therefore, to be in love forever, love something you can never have, since anything which you can't have can't let you down.

So is love of yearning more powerful than the yearning of love? Yes, when things are materialistic and thence temporary. Subsequently as most human wants are temporary, the approximation can again very well explain the reason behind a lot of human wants and desires which can inturn explain human miseries and cause for pining like people without money, want money and when they get it, they then lose peace over it and search for peace all over again, sometimes even in lieu of money. May be the whole process of wanting, striving, getting, suffering and losing, in that finical order is the ultimate lesson for all humanity. It may be so that once we truly understand the process, we understand that wanting anything we don't have is the reason behind human excruciation.We as humans live mere human lives because most of us continue to want our insatiable wishes even while on the death bed, all the while remembering to forget that we arrive on planet earth without anything and we leave it the same way, so why should we at all want anything that can't be with us eternally, since we ourselves aren't forever?

Friday 25 January 2008

Desi Equation of Cosmetic Modernity.

India has been the cradle of human civilisation long before humans even understood the meaning of the word.The cradle spawned n sprawled and couple of millennias later 20th century happened to the world, which some how didn't touch India.With it came industrial revolution, electricity, cars, stock markets, telephone, radio, television, quantum physics, space flight, satellites and computers. then 21st century dawned and the world got economically flattened which was true for India as well.India which remained largely untouched by the changing world of 20th century due to reasons best known to our socialist leaders, was wide open to the changes of 21st century due its robust economy and rapid globalisation, which leapfrogged India from 19th to 21st century in a matter of 15 years.internet, ipods, social networking, information exchange, online marriages, outsourcing of wives n insourcing of husbands, BPOs, tata nanoS, DJs, FDIs, 20000 high stock market index, 9 pointer gdp growth, rising buying power and most importantly the free will to spend money that came along with it completely changed India that we had known of.midtown madness of multiplexes and malls and mega malls and giga malls and hyper malls and theme malls and lifestyle malls and food malls and accessory malls and ...... malls took over and gave an outlet to splurge money on anything and everything.from designed kitchen sinks to modelled lavatory covers with a mini phone to brag about all of it to the next door neighbour whom we prefer to talk over social networking sites and webcams rather than tete-a-tete.everyone we look at is supposedly happy and in a 24X7 happy-go-lucky mood and money seems to be the answer to all of people's troubles.

But all one needs to do is dig a little deeper into proverbial "RAM sharma" and his even more proverbial live-in girlfriend "SITA kapoor" who have an unproverbial child named "DASRATH" whose last name is yet to be decided upon.in this situational cast of characters we have the father of the child "RAM" who works in a bank as an investment banker, whose office starts at morning 9 and ends at evening 6 but actually has to start out from home at morning 7 in order to reach his office an hour late due to traffic congestion and who ideally reaches home at 10 in the night.on the other hand we have our very own "SITA" a throbbing BPO worker whose work time is from evening 9 to morning 7.needless to say they don't get to see much of each other and hence they communicate via sticker notes, online web messengers, office phones.sundays, which is a holiday, goes unnoticed since both the guy and the girl need to catch up with their sleep only to be losing it over a fight on the same evening. this time they are fighting over RAM's alleged romance with his young secretary "URMILA" and SITA's office spouse "LAXMAN" who is SITA's boss and himself has a broken marriage with URMILA. amidst all this elegant 21st century Indian happy family melodrama the little baby boy "DASRATH" hollers, who seems to have lost his sleep over screechy squealing of his unmarried parents.the mother who is unable to lull down the harmless little boy losses her cool and calls up the nanny who acts as the acting paid guardian of the child in absence of DASRATH's incessantly non-existent parents.the monthly price that the nanny charges is very exuberant but the parents can afford to do so but can the child afford to lose out on his parents? they also have two cars, two two-wheelers, carry two cell phones each, have two maids for cooking and cleaning, have membership in two exclusive clubs, two circle of friends, and now that its evident, two separate lives too. having all of it and more is chic, vogue, fashionable and "IN" and of course is the modern definition of a high life and of having seen it all and done it all. our perception of modern India at least from a rookie's point of view is the point of view of millions of wannabe youth who want to be happy and redefine it too, wanting to live the truly sophisticated, new age modern life.

The modern rat race of life is almost like quicksand, which for reasons best known to fools like you and me, looks very tempting.why else would all of us plunge neck deep into it, only to figure out that the more we fight it, the deeper we are drawn towards the bottom of the quagmire.our dreams of happiness are as ephemeral as our definition of modern modernity and of fashion so hideous that it has to change its intolerable elan every week. genius are people who started all of it and more so who even after witnessing the demise of such people, fail to learn from them, only to finish with another billion people at the end of their lives.in the rush of plastic money and plastic happiness, we are fast forgetting that socio-economic hike comes with its own share of socio-economic problems, which if not tackled well, will be followed by retribution of the worst kind.welcome to an india where where cultural programs means fashion shows and where growth means every 1 in 3 Indians still earns less than a dollar a day.all of it is taking its toll on you and me and hence on India that we live in today and the one we are building for tomorrow, unless you (read I) make a difference...